Maryannaville™

These past two decades, two words have become very popular in studying the Psychology of Relationships. They are co-dependence and co-commitment which describe two totally different types of relationships.

C O – D E P E N D E N C E
Codependence describes a situation in which two people are dependent or addicted to each other. We lose the ability to be happy within ourselves and become dependent on each other for our feelings of safety and self worth. Both are limited by the relationship rather than helped to grow within it.

Codependence breeds antagonism and games in which one tries to control the other, often through various roles, by intimidating, questioning, criticizing, playing the victim or retreating into oneself and becoming aloof. Such relationships often result in vicious circles in which no one changes and no one is happy. We might even undermine our own happiness and power because we are afraid to be happy or strong when the other is not. Promises or perhaps even threats that serious changes are going to take place seldom become reality. We feel responsible for the other’s reality and cannot let him or her feel unhappy. We try to change the other’s mood, and until the other changes, we cannot feel happy ourselves. Our state of mind is dependent upon the other’s behavior and attitude.

In codependence, our fears prevent us from telling the whole truth to the other and sometimes even to ourselves. Criticism becomes a major form of communication and arguments continuously recycle. Most arguments revolve around the ancient game of “who is right.”

When we are dependent on someone, we will often deny our own needs and even our values in order to ensure the other’s acceptance and/or approval. We might find ourselves not only ignoring our needs, but also doing things we do not really want to do.

Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want through their own efforts. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to achieve their greatest success.
Stephen Covey

Related:
Relationships: Co-dependent or Co-commitment Part II

Originally posted 2006-09-08 05:07:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter