Maryannaville™

At the risk of stereotyping myself, let me explain that I am an INTP and have worked throughout the years developing an ENTP as a balance. As Tevya from Fiddler on the Roof said and I quote, “Life is about balance.”

INTPs live in rich worlds inside their minds, which are full of imagination and excitement. Consequently, they sometimes find the external world pales by comparison. This may result in a lack of motivation to form and maintain relationships. INTPs are not likely to have a very large circle of significant relationships in their lives. They’re much more likely to have a few very close relationships in which they hold in great esteem and with great affection. Moreover, since the INTP’s primary focus and attention is turned inwards, it is also aimed towards seeking clarity from abstract ideas. INTPs are not naturally tuned into others’ emotional feelings and needs.
[Myers-Briggs exam]

INTPs tend to be difficult to get to know well. There is an innate tendancy to hold back parts of themselves until the other person has proven themselves “worthy” of hearing the INTP’s thoughts. Holding knowledge and brain power above all else is important. An INTP will choose to be around people who they consider intelligent. Once the INTP has committed herself to a relationship, she tends to be very faithful and loyal, and will form pure and straight forward attachments filled with affection. The INTP has no interest. Nether does she understand relational game-play. However, if something happens which the INTP considers irreconcilable, she will leave the relationship and not look back.

The key to getting to an INTP’s emotional core is making it a safe thing for them to do so especially for a female INTP. The same rings true for INTP males. Emotional matters are nothing we are comfortable with because of the huge amount of energy that tends to dominate. Dealing with emotion is something that represents pain and generally in proportion to the level of energy it represents. Of the few times where the inner me has been allowed “out of the box” it has not been well received by those around me. The result is that the “box” becomes more difficult to open each time.

Another thing to be considered is to allow the INTP “to get there.” I remember times when I’ve been very upset about something and I really wanted to let go of all of the emotional energy but was consistently prevented from doing so by people who “were trying to help.” For me, and I don’t speak for all INTPs, emotions are in effect tied to events. Events are tied to memories and memories are tied to “trains of thought.” Therefore, if you wish for me to share my emotional side with you, allow it to unfold naturally.

One may ask, “How do you feel about that?” Or, better yet, one might ask, “What is your personal experience?” However, unless you are an INTP (which means, from the very start, it will unlikely even be a consideration) bear in mind that your way of getting to an emotional issue is more than likely different.

Who an INTP is on the outside depends on the amount of emotional scars they wear. This includes emotionally painful events with toxic people as it does with regard to who they really truly are. It isn’t easy getting past the wounds. Emotional wounds remain in the forefront of an INTP’s mind in order to protect the INTP from further emotional attack and upset. It is the same as wearing a full set of protective armor. Only those who don’t know us think we are unemotional creatures. An INTP’s overall goal is to keep emotions at a distance. We disdain any and all unnecessary outside interference.

“To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive – to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before.”
*Rollo May

INTPs approach their intimate relationships very seriously the same way they approach most things in life. They take their vows and commitments seriously and are usually faithful and loyal. We are generally easy to live with and be around because we have simple daily needs and are not overly demanding of our partners in almost any respect. While the INTP’s internal life is highly theoretical and complex, our external life, by comparison, is a simple one. We keep the complexities of our external world to a minimum in order to focus our brain power on working through internal theories. Overall, INTPs are straight-forward honest lovers with a love that is pure in its simplistic and uncomplicated nature. We choose to keep things straight-forward in our relationships. Doing so does not mean that the INTP is lacking in depth of feeling or passion.
INTPs are very creative and have vivid imaginations. We can be extremely excitable and passionate about our love relationships. Yet, sometimes there is conflicting reconciliation with the exciting visions of their internal worlds in combination with the actuality of external circumstances.

Sexually, the INTP approaches intimacy with enthusiasm and excitement. While some INTPs entirely downplay the need for sexual relations in their lives, most use their rich imaginations and child-like enthusiasm to make the most of the moment. An INTP will usually be experiencing the moment with vivid intensity inside their own minds although this may or may not be apparent to his or her partner. The greatest area of personal strife in an INTP’s intimate relationship is a slow ability toward understanding and meeting their partner’s emotional needs. The INTP may be extremely dedicated to the relationship and deeply in love with his or her partner yet may have no understanding of his or her mate’s emotional life therefore may not express his or her own feelings often or well. When INTPs do express themselves, it’s likely to be in their own way on their own time, rather than in response to their partner’s needs. If this is an issue which has caused serious problems in a relationship, the INTP should work on becoming more aware of his partner’s feelings. His partner should work on not requiring explicit positive affirmation in order to feel an INTP’s love.

INTPs do not like to deal with messy complications such as interpersonal conflict. They may fall into the habit of ignoring conflict when it occurs. If they feel they must face the conflict, they’re likely to approach it from an analytical perspective. This may aggravate the conflict situation, if their partner simply wants to feel that they are supported and loved. Most people (and especially those with the Feeling preference) simply want to be encouraged, affirmed and supported when they are upset. The INTP should practice meeting these needs in conflict situations. A word of encouragement here is that two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship. Furthermore, any relationship of any sort requires work and attention by both parties involved.  Source

Related:
Living Introverted
Mannerly Art of Disagreement (or how an INTP sees discussion)