Maryannaville™

Originally posted 2006-08-20 14:20:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in a remote countryside and this man would be the first soul to be laid to rest.

I was unfamiliar with the backwoods area and became lost moreover, being a typical man, did not stop for directions.  I finally arrived an hour late.  I saw the backhoe and the crew who were eating lunch but the hearse was nowhere in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness and stepped to the side of the open grave where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played out my heart and soul.

As I played the workers began to weep. I played and I played like I’d never played before, from Going Home and The Lord is My Shepherd to Flowers of the  Forest. I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car.  As I was opening the car door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, “Sweet Jeezuz, Mary ‘n Joseph,  I never seen nothin’ like that before  and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Originally posted 2009-03-17 09:42:06. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

My body qualifies for the CASH FOR CLUNKERS program. I know because everytime I cough or sneeze, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust pipe backfires.

Send cash!

Originally posted 2009-09-01 20:43:04. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Dr. Jill. Biden, Vice President Joe Biden and the rest of the muppets

Originally posted 2010-06-03 20:55:33. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Originally posted 2008-12-28 21:01:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

I know, I’ve surely lost my mind or at least bumped my head too hard! Either that or I need to research the right bird seed.

Originally posted 2010-07-22 11:30:15. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Bush, bird flu, iPod mania, Stephen Colbert, big hairy dogs and the best CD of the year

By Mark Morford

Balm for your tormented soul. Reasons not to off yourself with a handful of whippets and a bottle of Maker’s Mark while reciting Yeats’ “Sailing to Byzantium” just yet. Feel free to add you own:
1) Bush at 31 percent and falling fastThe apocalypse is yawning and going back to bed. The man can do no right. Dubya’s inept policies and slew of appalling deceits are coming back to bite him faster than perhaps any president in history. Oh sure, he’s still inflicting huge damage, rigging the Supreme Court and yearning to nuke Iran and getting away with murder (over 750 “signing statements” allowing him to ignore any new law he doesn’t like? That’s just grotesque). But even staunch Repubs are leaping from Bush’s deadly Poseidon adventure, fearing disastrous fallout this November. Bush is officially in the running for the title of Worst President in History (and so, oddly, is Dick Cheney). He is certainly one of the most unpopular. Isn’t poetic justice delightful?
2) iPods at 50 million and growing fastWho single-handedly forced the malicious RIAA and the entire lunkheaded music biz to overhaul its musty business model, to get off its overcharging butt and enter the 21st century? Thank Apple. It took Sony 15 years to ship as many Walkmans as Apple has moved iPods in five. The iPod is the must-have tech icon of this generation, and innovation-happy Apple deserves it. Downside: mediocre audio quality, lamentable disposability. Upside: Infinite mixes. Stylish industrial design. An entire universe of delirious accessories. Steve Jobs finally smacks Bill Gates upside the head.
3) Gas at $3.50 and rising fastOh, I know, it’s hateful. It’s painful. It costs 40 bucks to fill a Tercel, nearly $100 to fill that bloated Chevy Tahoe. But it’s making us more aware. And by all accounts, America only responds and behaviors will only change when faced with ugly crises, especially those that maul our wallets. Sure, oil companies are raking in record profits. Man-snakes like this guy are gloating like hogs and sucking entire universes of gross profit through their enlarged prostates. So what? We the ostensible First World moral trendsetters are long past due to kick-start a change in our energy gluttony. Bonus: biodeisel, hybrids, ethanol discussions on the rise. None is a viable alternative at scale, but all are excellent starting points. Also: Mopeds could become cool again. …
(click here to read the rest)

Originally posted 2006-05-17 10:09:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Show Miss Piggy some love. Give her a nice little click.

Originally posted 2009-07-07 17:00:53. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Related:

Jewish Man Exposes Israel’s Lies: Author Miko Peled, son of an Israeli general and born in Israel, condems Israeli policies and lies and reveals the truth about the Zionist state. Sign of the Times

Originally posted 2007-11-11 17:02:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Very little.

Originally posted 2010-12-09 01:17:30. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Originally posted 2007-08-09 18:05:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE “ESTROGEN ISSUES”

Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
You’re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, “How’s my driving?
Everyone’s head looks like an invitation for batting practice.
Everyone seems to have just landed here from “outer space”.
You can’t believe they don’t make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Originally posted 2007-02-21 08:42:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Originally posted 2006-12-22 16:34:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Originally posted 2009-03-21 17:17:31. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

“OK. So apparently I said some things that offended little Kermit and Miss Piggy the last few days. And I — listen, I apologize. … I just wanted to say, listen, froggy — what’s his name? Kermit, Miss Piggy, if you want to debate this any time, I’m all for it. So let’s bring it.”

Fox Business’ Eric Bolling • Apologizing for a segment last week, in which he and the Media Research Center’s Dan Gainor ripped “The Muppets” for daring to have a plot with an evil oil baron. They’re still idiots. Meanwhile, a great Twitter hashtag has cropped up over the last day — #GOPMuppetHearings.