Maryannaville™

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Gratefully, parties like this one only happens rarely. I laughed until my sides hurt.

But what a mess, aye?

Set oven to bake. Remove teddy bear from oven.

Preheat oven to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.

Remove teddy bear from oven again. Tell Billy “no, no, no.”

Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.

Take shortening can away from Billy and clean cupboards.

Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.

Take shortening can away from Billy again then bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to deep cuts and scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat’s tail.

Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.

Take smoldering teddy bear from oven. Open all doors and windows for adequate ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was definitely a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill.

Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts,  beat all ingredients well.

Let cat out of refrigerator.

Pour mixture into well-greased 9×13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes.

Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain to Billy’s older siblings that I have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while he’s still able to run away to safety.

Frosting: Mix together in saucepan: 1 cup sugar, 10 oz unsweetened chocolate, plus 1/4 cup margarine

Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$% broiler and throw it away—far away. Answer the door and humbly explain to Mr. policeman that I didn’t know that Billy had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Set Billy in playpen. Surround Billy with toys.

Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes.

Answer door and apologize to next door neighbor for water damages to his carpet. Billy stuck a garden hose in man’s front door mail slot with water hose at full blast. Promise to pay for ruined carpet and padding. Gently tether Billy’s halter to clothesline. Let him run until he exhausts himself.

Remove burned brownies from oven.

Resolve to never try this again while alone with Billy until Billy is much older.

There are relationships and then there are examples of extremely lame stupidity sung by Kate Miller-Heidke. She does a fine job at telling about it as she belts it out in her most recent tune filmed during a sound check at the Metro.

Don’t get mad and leave, just leave.