Maryannaville™

Related:
The Universe As: The Pharmacology of Economics – We’re all Drug Addicts.

Generally, I stay clear of videos like this one yet it is so cute that I am not even going to try to resist. I hope that you get a few good giggles out of watching the Yorkshire Terrier go to town with the stuffed bear.

“A chain of about 750,000 motorcycles ridden by Vietnam veterans and military supporters blazed through the nation’s capitol yesterday as part of the 21st annual Rolling Thunder rally.”
“In addition to offering vets a chance to reconnect with their brothers-in-arms and honor fallen comrades, the ride aims to raise awareness about issues concerning prisoners of war, troops missing in action and veterans’ benefits.”
Read on

Annually, on the last Monday in May, our nation celebrates Memorial Day. For many, this day carries no special meaning except perhaps an extra day off from work, a beach barbecue, the start of the summer travel season, or for merchants, the opportunity to hold an annual Memorial Day Weekend sale. In reality, the holiday is observed in honor of our nation’s armed service personnel who were killed in wartime during these wars:

Related:
The old lie: Dulce et decorum est-Pro patria mori *

Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle posits three habitual psychological roles or roleplays which people often take in a situation:

• The person who is treated as, or accepts the role of, a victim
• The person who pressures, coerces or persecutes the victim, and
• The rescuer, who intervenes out of an ostensible wish to help the situation or the underdog.

Note that the rescuer role is one of a mixed or covert motive, not an honest rescuer in an emergency; please see below.

As the drama plays out, people may suddenly switch roles, or change tactics, and others will often switch unconsciously to match this. For example, the victim turns on the rescuer, or the rescuer switches to persecuting.

The covert purpose for each ‘player’ is to get their unspoken psychological wishes met in a manner they feel justified, without having to acknowledge the broader dysfunction or harm done in the situation as a whole. As such, each player is acting upon their own selfish ‘needs’, rather than acting in a genuinely adult, responsible or altruistic manner.

In Eric Berne’s, Transactional Analysis, the drama triangle is sometimes referred to in the context of mind games. See if you recognize some of these inadequate communications:

• Why Don’t You/Yes But; If It Weren’t For You
• Why does this Always Happen to Me?
• See What You Made Me Do? You Got Me Into This.
• Look How Hard I’ve Tried, I’m Only Trying to Help You

and last but not least,

• Let’s You and Him Fight.

Excerpted from (Marsha Utain, 1989, pp.173-175), these are the key points to remember:

1. The Triangle is based on lies. Tell a lie to yourself or someone else, whether it is a lie about data or a lie about your emotions or your experience, and you move immediately into the Triangle and the addictive process.
2. All shoulds are a lie. Therefore, shoulds will throw you into the Triangle.
3. All positions in the Triangle cause pain- so no matter what position you are in at any given moment in the Triangle, you will be in pain.
4. There is no power in the Triangle. When you are in the Triangle, you are operating from powerlessness and irresponsibility no matter what position you are playing.
5. Everyone has a favorite starting position which is usually either the Rescuer or the Victim. Few people choose Persecutor as starting position.
6. Once you are hooked into the Triangle, you will end up playing all the positions, whether you like it or not, because of the nature of the Triangle.
7. Guilt is the experience that hooks you into the Triangle.
8. The “escape hatch” out of the Triangle is located at the Persecutor position. Telling the truth and feeling your emotions opens the escape hatch out of the Triangle. In other words, in order to leave the Triangle or for that matter to stay out of it, you have to be willing for others to perceive you as the “Bad Guy” and then go through whatever emotions surface as a result of their perception. If other people in the Triangle are willing to tell the truth and experience their feelings, the Triangle disappears. If they are not, as is more often the case, then you leave looking like their Persecutor.
9. You can play the Triangle alone with yourself. Once you have been raised in a dysfunctional family, you do not need anyone else to push you into the Triangle. The way you play the Triangle by yourself is by listening to the negative voice inside your head that beats you up, “puts you down” and constantly shoulds you. (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy; Karen Horney) When you actively participate in a relationship with someone who lives in the Triangle, you must be very careful of the hooks. It is difficult to be around people who constantly operate in the Triangle and not get hooked in yourself, especially if your personal boundaries are not clear and you have not learned to recognize the Triangle.
10. Your internalized should-er is also the voice that pushes you into the Triangle when others around you are in and attempting to hook you. The should-er is the false-self, the part that is actually someone else who you believe is you. It is controlling, negative, rigid, perfectionistic and righteous. Without that part of you operating, you would not participate in the Triangle.
11. Being in the Triangle is not being alive; It is a living death. It is a life of pain, inauthenticity and lack of love and acceptance. Suicide is the ultimate Victim act, the act of self-pity.
12. Telling the truth and experiencing your emotions is the only way out of the Triangle. To do that you have to learn how to know and define your boundaries and take responsibility for recognizing, experiencing, expressing and completing your emotions.

Bibliography
Utain, M. & Oliver, B. (1989) Scream Louder:Through Hell and Healing With an Incest Survivor and Her Therapist . Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc.

*There’s a major difference between ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance can be excused. Stupidity is a whole different matter in and of itself. Einstein himself noted that, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”

Related:
Dictionary of Analytical Psychology [PDF]
They’re one and the same

There are people who will walk away from you and, when they do, let them walk. Don’t try to talk him or her into staying, calling, caring, visiting, or remaining attached. Your destiny is never tied to someone who has left. They came out from us so that it would manifest that they were not meant for us. Had it been meant for them to stay, they would have stayed.

People leave because they are not joined. If they are not joined, nothing can’t make them stay; let them go. It doesn’t mean that they’re bad, it means that their part in the story is over. You must accept it when a person’s part in your story is over. Don’t insist on raising what’s dead. You can tell when it’s dead. You also know when it’s over. When it is finished, leave it alone, be done with it. Let it go.

I have the gift of good-bye. It isn’t that I’m cold or that I don’t care, it’s because I am loyal. I know and realize that whatever life wants me to have, it’ll make sure that I have it. Moreover, if something leaves me zapped for energy or it is too much work – I don’t need it nor do I want it. Stop begging people to stay. Stop chasing them. Let them go on their way and be done with it. Wish them well. The time is long overdue for you to be on your merry way, too, so get busy.

If you are holding onto something that doesn’t belong to you and it was never intended to be, let it go. If you are holding on to past hurts and pains, let them go. If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, or see your personal value and worth, let him go. If someone has angered you, don’t waste your time or energy, let him go.

If you are holding onto thoughts of revenge, let it go. If you are involved in a wrong relationship or in an addiction, let it go. If you are holding onto a job that no longer meets your needs or talents, let it go. If you have a bad attitude, let it go. If you insist on judging others in order to make yourself feel better, let it go. If you’re stuck in the past and life wants to take you to a new level, let it go; get on with you life. If you are struggling to mendl a broken or damaged relationship, let it go. If you insist on trying to help someone who won’t help him or herself, let it go. If you are feeling depressed and stressed, deal with it, then, let it go. Let the past remain in the past. Forgive it, forget it, walk away from it and don’t look back. In other words, let it go.